In his article, Alfie Kohn asserts that praising children and approving their actions in the habitual way is not as effective as some parents used to think. The author does not try to tell that parents should not praise their children, he tries to convince that there are some more effective ways to support and encourage them than just to say “Good job”.
The first thing I agree is that praising and rewarding children is the way of manipulating. Moreover, I think this approach is egoistic. Parents praise and reward their kids to make them behave according to parents’ own views, and thus, do not let them to have an opinion of their own. I think this way parents ruin the personalities of their children without realizing it. Also, the author says that adult people who were praised by their parents in the childhood grow up dependent persons who seek for anyone’s approval, but lack of it undoubtedly leads to low self-esteem. Referring to researches, Kohn notes that children who often get praised become unconfident and usually they do not take challenging tasks because of the risk to fail and not to get a usual approval.
Having read the article, I totally agree with the author – parents really should stop saying “Good job” to their kids, though it will be quite difficult to break this habit. I think the more effective alternative is to show children that you are very interested in the thing they have done. The best way of showing an interest is to ask questions about the object whatever it is – a painting or a handmade birthday card. I think this approach is the most effective, because just paying interest to their work means that this piece of work is really worth it, and asking some questions develops the ability to form their own judgements, think and analyze. There are many other ways to support a kid, every parent can invent an own one that will help to raise a thoughtful and independent person.
References
Kohn, Alfie. (2011, September). Five Reasons to Stop Saying “Good Job!”. Retrieved from HYPERLINK "http://www.alfiekohn.org/parenting/gj.htm" …